Facebook Parenting: A Proactive Approach For Tweens

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By Marsali Hancock for Every Day Connected

A lot of you may wonder: “Why do you have to be 13 years old to legally use Facebook? Why can’t you be 16, 18 or 12? What’s so special about that particular age?”

First of all, it’s not an age arbitrarily chosen by Facebook. According to the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA), websites collecting information from a general-audience population must receive guardian permission to gather data from children 12 years old and younger.

Often, websites -- Facebook included -- choose to make the legal age of usage 13 years and older to bypass the litigious headaches that parental consent incurs. But, as I’m sure you know, rules are made to be broken. And not surprisingly, countless tweens between the ages of 8 and 12 -- and at times their parents -- turn a blind eye to Facebook’s age policy.

The Parent Trap
Parents who knowingly let their preadolescent youngsters use Facebook may say: “I’ve fixed the privacy settings, my child’s OK.” It’s fantastic that those moms and dads have taken steps to protect their children online, but the service frequently changes its privacy policies. That makes it difficult to continuously adjust the settings that create a secure, highly regulated “bubble shield” around the child.

And of course there are a lot of unsuspecting parents out there whose underage children are sailing the Facebook seas without a captain, compass or lifeboat. Even if their young ones strictly stick to “harmless” social games, like FarmVille, they’re unaware of the types of relationships their children are building in forums and with friends.

Anyone who’s created a Facebook account knows that proving you are at least 13 years of age is as simple as checking a box. So you can imagine how difficult it is to find those wily tweens who are feverishly posting pictures, taking quizzes and making friends through the service. However, the website does take measures to find those young ones and remove them from the system.

Recently, Mozelle Thompson -- Facebook’s chief privacy officer -- told the Australian Federal Parliament’s cyber-safety committee that the social networking giant deletes 20,000 accounts each day for age violations. Although an impressive number, he went on to say that the tools employed to find underage users are not foolproof.

Thompson’s admission substantiates the Pew Research Center’s Internet and American Life Project results, stating that 46 percent of 12-year-olds surveyed in the U.S. use social networks. That sounds like a high percentage, but the number makes sense when you consider that children meet and connect emotionally through their digital devices. The virtual world is now and forevermore injected into daily interpersonal relationships, and nobody knows that better than our blossoming digital natives.

Doing It for the Kids
Facebook is an arena intended for the older set. Younger children are not developmentally ready to navigate the scrutiny and politics that often take place in this social space. Teens and adults prove to have a hard enough time with it, as evidenced by the daily news.

That doesn’t mean parents should wait to introduce their boys and girls to the concept of digital citizenship. Instead, they should carefully choose online environments that are specifically created with tweens in mind.

Currently, there are plenty of fun and safe social networks for children on the Web. The level of control, permission and oversight needed to play in these realms makes them more secure than the other PG-13-rated spaces. More importantly, getting your children set up on age-appropriate sites is a great way to start talking about the boons and burdens of social media.

Remember: Don’t close doors; just guide your children through the ones that lead to safe and healthy online relationships. Statistics prove they want to use social media; it only makes sense that they learn through you.

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Are You Too Snarky Online?

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By Kelby Carr for Every Day Connected

It can be tempting to be snarky online. By nature, social media makes it easy. In fact, it encourages snarkiness. The online space is one in which people shine by having a witty personality, and it’s also a place that can feel misleadingly anonymous.

But there is a fine line between clever and crude. Here are a few questions to ask yourself before you post, tweet, update, email or otherwise share snarkiness online.

Would you say it in person?

Before you share something, particularly if it could be taken as an offense to a certain person or group of people, ask yourself if you would say it to someone’s face. This is often a great litmus test for whether or not something is over-the-top. It can be easy to hide behind the monitor and behave in ways we never would in real life.

Does it read like it sounds?

Without the inflection of voice and without body language, things like sarcasm and silliness do not always translate online. Many times sharing something online -- especially on sites that limit characters, like Twitter -- can alter the perceived meaning dramatically.

If you aren’t sure, read it a few times, read it out loud in different tones and emphasize different words, or send the comment to a friend to ask what they think you meant. Ask what their gut reaction is.

“Snark is easier to interpret as humor when spoken,” explains Ilina Ewen, a marketing consultant and brand strategist who blogs at Dirt & Noise. “When used in writing, it might require some follow-up supporting thoughts, proper inflection and a sense of humor throughout the piece.”

It is snarky or just mean?

There is a dramatic difference between being snarky in a manner that engages, and mean in a way that is a big turnoff. It’s great to be edgy, but it’s not necessary to be cruel.

“I think it’s OK to take a snarky tone if it’s a subject that has a universal disdain, like parents who are competitive, tailgating drivers or litterers,” said Ewen. “But it’s not acceptable if the snark becomes a personal attack. You always want to approach a snarky tone with a sense of humor, not a wicked, mean stab.”

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When Private Goes Public: The Role Social Networking Plays in Suicide.

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By Marsali Hancock for Every Day Connected



“Jumping off the gw bridge sorry,” Tyler Clementi, age 18, posted on his Facebook status on September 22, 2010.

And then he did just that. A desperate act fueled by humiliation, Clementi committed suicide after his Rutgers University roommate secretly recorded a private sexual encounter between him and another male, only to then post it to YouTube.

In the Phoebe Prince case, the 15-year-old hanged herself on January 10, 2010, after enduring months of bullying from fellow students. Prince felt that killing herself was the only escape from teen tormentors who attacked her in the hallways and taunted her through texts and public online spaces, like Facebook.

We’re all familiar with tales of social networking sites (SNSs), along with other new media platforms, casting a dark shadow over events leading up to a victim’s suicide. Frequently the issues revolve around private encounters, moments and words that spread like wildfire once they’ve been introduced to the digital stage -- often without the target’s consent.

With the 21st century ingenue Cyberbullying playing the lead role in each one of those dramas, we rarely hear examples of how social networking promotes a healthy mental state and even prevents suicide in some instances.

Although the media continually make the connection, there is no conclusive evidence that cyberbullying causes suicide.

First, we do youth a disservice by perpetually drawing a straight line between the two concepts of online harassment and self-murder. Continuing to make that association falsely communicates the message that there is no alternative escape from cyberbullying other than ending one’s life, which can result in children making that fatal decision.

Second, adults need to remember that youth connect emotionally and define relationships through their digital devices and Web platforms. They acutely feel both rejection and connection via digital media.

According to a recent International Center for Media and the Public Affairs (ICMPA) study, “students around the world reported that being tethered to digital technology 24-7 is not just a habit, it is essential to the way they construct and manage their friendships and social lives.”

Finally, it’s crucial that we understand both the positive and negative sides of social media, thereby putting cyberbullying into context and appreciating its place amidst all the benefits and opportunities that arise from digital connections.

To further the point, a growing body of research from the Australia-based Co-operative Research Centre for Young People, Technology and Wellbeing (YAW-CRC) supports the idea that SNSs have a much more positive effect on relationships and mental well-being than most of us may be aware.

According to the YAW-CRC’s The Benefit of Social Networking Services report:

“There is a demonstrated positive relationship between young people’s use of social networking services and self-esteem. … It is also argued that a sense of community and belonging has the potential to promote young people’s resilience, giving them the ability to successfully adapt to change and stressful events. … Overall, it appears that the social connections developed and fostered through SNS play an important role in promoting young people’s well-being.

Although cyberbullying represents the seamier side of social networking, it’s greatly outweighed by the support systems that youth develop online.

Too frequently it’s said that friendships in virtual communities do not carry the same lasting loyalty and profound connectivity that real-world relationships hold. Statements like those diminish the value that young ones place on their online relationships and in the end miss the importance of social networking in fostering a sense of self-worth and belonging on this Earth.

Things to Remember
Marginalized children and teens need to hear from trusted sources that their lives are not over if they experience digital persecution from peers. And parents, mentors and teachers should refer to resources (e.g., the Cyberbullying Research Center) to better understand social media’s place in self-esteem development.

If you are concerned for yourself or a child who is being harassed online, intervention programs make all of the difference. For more information, please visit National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) What a Difference a Friend Makes website.




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Stop Cyberbullying Now!

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By Tara Swords for Every Day Connected


The term “cyberbully” usually applies to minors bullying other minors online. But did you know that plenty of adults too are tormented by online harassers? It can be a frightening, unnerving experience, but if it happens to you or someone close to you, you don’t have to ignore it.







Here is exactly what to do if you’ve been targeted.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 1: Learn your rights.
Many states have laws protecting you from cybercrimes. Check out the National Conference of State Legislatures  site to find out what qualifies as cyberstalking, cyberbullying and cyberharassment, and whether your state has laws that specifically address these offenses. Even if you’re not ready to report the activity to the authorities, knowing your legal rights prepares you to understand when someone crosses the line.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 2: Ask for it to stop.
Make it clear to the bully that you want the behavior to stop immediately. If your child is being bullied, help him send the message. Don’t detail your reasons, because you risk getting roped into yet another conversation with the bully. Simply demand that it end and state that you want no more contact in the future. If the contact continues, don’t respond. If necessary, change your user names and profiles in the places (e.g., instant messengers) where the harassment occurs.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 3: Keep records.
Don’t delete any of the harassing communications, no matter how offensive. Save emails, chat logs and text messages in a file on your desktop -- and back up copies to a cloud service like Google Docs. If the situation worsens and you need to alert the authorities, this evidence will be crucial in backing up your claims.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 4: Report the abuse.
Forward offensive emails to the harasser’s school and Internet service provider, and ask that they be investigated. If the cyberbullying is happening at work, notify a supervisor or your human resources representative immediately. And if the problem escalates and you feel that you or your family members are unsafe -- or that your legal rights  have been violated -- file a report with your local law enforcement.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 5: Get support.
Ask for help. Such organizations as CyberAngels  can provide detailed, one-on-one guidance in dealing with cyberbullies and remind you that you’re not alone. Other organizations, such as the National Crime Prevention Council , offer tips as well -- especially for parents and teens.


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How to Use Google+.

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From the Editors of Every Day Connected


When Google launched its Facebook-rivaling social network this summer, some balked about having to deal with yet another social network. But what many early adapters found is that Google+ is cleaner and more efficient -- and best of all, not everyone you connect with has to be a “friend.”

In Google’s attempt to fashion its social network after the real world, Google+ lets you make a contained circle for family, friends, work buddies, chess club friends and a secret society (if you belong to one). In the same amount of time you’d spend posting on Facebook, you can pick which circle sees your various posts -- which is kind of perfect if you don’t want work buddies to know about your family dramas, right?

While the newest social network is just a few months old -- and at least a few months away from mainstream adoption -- the potential for Google+ to deliver relevant information is too attractive to pass up. Here’s how to get started:

1. Create your searchable profile.
Apps, Docs and social networks aside, Google is first and foremost a search engine. As Google+ grows, so does the relevance of its profiles in search results.

Try Googling yourself. Unless your name is John Doe, your Google profile will be one of the first results to come up. This is prime real estate on the Web -- and happily, you are in control of how it’s shaped. Building out your Google profile authenticates your Web presence and allows you to better own your online image.

To log into Google+, sign in with your gmail address (yes, you'll need to get one if you don't already have one) and click on Google+ on the top tab of your account. In Google+, click the “Profile” button on the top navigation bar, and add job history, education, bragging rights, etc., in the “About” section. Make sure you link to your websites, videos and pictures to promote your projects, accomplishments and affiliations. Embed links in text to share other content-rich places where people can find you on the Web (like an Amazon author page, SoundCloud music page or high school teacher website).

2. Organize your personal circles.
Whether you consider it a blessing or a curse, Google makes you organize your contacts into circles before you can do much else. Google claims that Google+ users are three times more likely to share within certain circles than share publicly. That means hovering parents are more likely to share with other parents, and foodies with other foodies, theoretically cutting down the amount of useless posts you see in your stream. This targeted content is an outright blessing for those of us who have grown sick of the “my kid’s latest accomplishment” or “today’s lunch choice” posts that taint our Facebook walls.

To help you organize your circles, Google gathers all your email contacts and allows you to click and drag people into the circle of your choice. “Friends” and “Family” circles are no-brainers, but what about the members of your soccer team? Create a “Ball Kickers” circle just for them. If you follow public figures or people in your field online, place them in your “Following” circle.

3. Structure some circles for business.
Creating certain circles around your work is a great way to send targeted information to different types of people you work with. A real estate agent might create circles for past and current clients, as well as circles of people by neighborhood. The agent can then send clients who bought or are looking to buy in a particular neighborhood some information about a new juice bar set to open, neighborhood alliance meetings or featured properties all within the same 25 blocks, for example.

Want to gather information for your business? Get more information about people who circled you by posing a question to the group. A “Do you read my advice column?” query, for example, gives you an idea of how many followers are fans of your work. You can also directly message people who follow you as a way of crowdsourcing ideas for your next project.

4. Set up easy video-conferencing meetings.
With a few clicks on Google+, you can set up group video conferencing with any of your established circles. Aside from chatting with buddies across the globe, starting a Hangout is a great way to conduct quick-and-dirty virtual meetings with your mom group, co-workers or extended family when planning the next reunion.

To start a Hangout, click one of your established circles on the right of your stream, then click the green “Hangout” button on the left side of your stream. Pick up to 10 people to participate. No third party chat or virtual meeting software is needed. The camera’s focus will move with whoever has the floor, keeping the talker front-and-center in the biggest box on the screen. Once you’ve started a hangout group, you can also watch a YouTube video together and type notes for one another in the chat field.

5. Fine-tune your feeds.
After you type a post to your stream, you can choose which of the circles to send the content to. You can share your particular post with a few of your custom circles, to extended circles (which not only posts to your circles, but your friends’ circles as well) -- or to public, which is open viewing for the whole Web.

You can also create Sparks, which are like Google Alerts for your favorite things. When you set up Sparks of your biggest interests, you receive a curated feed of things happening around the Web based on those interests. From the home screen, click Sparks on the left-hand column. Type in any interest, from “gastropubs” to “gluten-free diet” to “Glee,” and then click “Add Interest.” A feed of the latest of your favorite things on the Web will be ready for you to view via smartphone or computer when waiting in line at the bank or for a flight at the airport.

Google+ also allows users to turn multiple conversations into one streamlined group chat (in Huddle) and automatically upload pictures and video from your Android Smartphone (Instant Upload) to your Google+ account to share with whichever circles you choose later on. Take the Google+ Tour for more on these features and check What’s New in Google+ for the latest tricks and practices.

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