Saturday, March 10, 2012

Slowly Creeping In.

Lately I have been feeling more crappy than usual. Reason why I haven't been blogging that much. Last year I decided to stop taking my medications because I was starting to loose myself (in some ways), was gaining a lot weight and the skin on my face was changing. I was doing good at first but as time has gone by I have noticed depression has been creeping in little by little.

My anxiety levels have been through the roof. Two days ago I found myself crying in the middle of the kitchen while cooking. Why? You might find this a stupid reason but here it goes. Temperatures are getting warmer, which means that this week the front of the building where I live is going to be full of idiots, women and men. Sitting there for hours, talking loud, playing music, making noise right outside my windows. That happened the same day I broke down crying. It was hot as hell inside my apartment so I opened my window to let some fresh air in. Had to close it within 15 minutes because I couldn't take the noise. Like everyone else, all I want is some peace and quiet. I want to be able to watch TV without having to turn up the volume because I can't hear it. The thought of what's coming has been keeping me awake at night since January. This is affecting me emotionally and physically. Not only me, but my son and daughter as well.

My therapist mentioned last year that we are suffering from PTSD, at the time I thought that might be the case, but now I'm sure we are. Those who know me on a more personal level know why. I don't go out at all, except to the supermarket once a week if at all. When I try to go out the nerves get the better of me, I end up in the bathroom with a stomach ache. I know, TMI. Sorry! Not only that, but I have been getting nauseous. It can be right after I eat, while I'm eating, basically at any time of the day. No, I'm not pregnant, unless one can get pregnant from a dream, lol. I'm not taking any medications so I don't know where it is coming from. Anxiety maybe?

I used to enjoy going out, walking around, being around other people. Not anymore. I know I'm missing out on a lot. Reason why I enjoy reading other bloggers who write about their experiences in life, I live vicariously through them.

I'm seriously considering starting taking medications again. The thought scares me, but this is sucking the life out of me...

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